Rev Notes

19.11.15

The final edit prior to a professional's touch has been done and the following issues have been considered. Comments shed some light on the matters listed and any resolutions.

1. Paul's surname is a problem. Readers don't land on one pronunciation. Make it clear how he wants or accepts it as said.

Comment. Now it is clear in Paul's own words, and this should not continue as a problem, although the sound-play may be somewhat artificial.

2. Consider the identity allusions with variations on the surname:  aham (I in Sanskrit), ohm (mantra), em (dash), etc.

Comment. Dismissed.

3. Make the time period more clearly the early 80s. People are missing it.

Comment. Quite clear now by direct and indirect references.

4. Get a horse person to give product info for better credibility.

Comment. Promised feedback has not been forthcoming. Will address when the time comes.

5. Review and revise descriptions of the cafe, or why are there at least two? repetition? too detailed?

Comment. Visualization and imagining who or what to be figure among the themes. Any repetition seems defensible.

6. Make Silla more developed than Paul in some obvious way. People are missing this.

Comment. Already clear.

7. Too much play with gender stuff?

Comment. Not in today's world, 2014-15. Plus identity theme and personal evolution are central.

8. Usilla vs Ursilla, Hank vs Henry

Comment. Paul gets it wrong in the first days of getting to know this woman, as might be the case in real life. Henry becomes Hank and pretty much stays that way from a certain point on.

9. Proposed cover image.

http://santacruzpumas.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/Mt-Lion-Lockheed-watermark1.jpg

Comment. The current cover has permission problems and according to one reader needs to be changed, not interesting or attractive. Preliminary discussions with the photographer for the picture linked above have been encouraging and not terribly expensive to use.